Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
