my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
