he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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