I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
