i think my tv is drunk
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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