i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
