:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
