remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
