ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
