When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
