I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize