I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
