I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
