Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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