That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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