So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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