If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize