Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
