I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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