Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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