ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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