Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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