I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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