That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
