Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
