Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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