he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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