Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize