Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
