We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
