he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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