So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
