He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
