thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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