I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize