4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
