Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
