YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
