I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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