We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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