I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ketchup is God's man juice
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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