Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
