I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
