K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
