my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
