I think i peed on brittanys purse
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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