Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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