I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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