Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
