why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
