You're so nebulous sometimes
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
