i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
