I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize