dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
