just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
operation harelip BJ is a go
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize