we have pet lesbian snakes
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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