i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
