You work out of a Hotel?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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