theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
