this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
