your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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