wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
