Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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