Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
