im six kinds of drunk right now
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i now understand why vodka
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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