New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
