No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
