my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
